I promise to love you, always.

You don't have to be afraid. I know there is nothing whatsoever that I can do or say to assure you other than to foresee the future but I feel like I ought to do something that just give you reassuring smiles and words over Skype. At least this way, maybe, just maybe, it will help as it's been put into prose not just a conversation, this way, I might just be able to say how much I love you & how much I care; the fact that you are the most important person in my life and whatever happens, you will be. I know it's difficult to think of it as a promise right now, because I'm still growing up, changing all the time but this is one part of me that isn't going to change. I know that I'm unsure, uncertain of what is going to happen in the next 24 hours let alone a few years but I know one thing... 'I'm loyal' and I will stay loyal to any person that is or even was that important to me. That doesn't just mean you, it means friends also Marc & Gary especially, they will tell you that loyal is something that I am very much so. It isn't an obvious trait I suppose, not like ambitious or self-conscious, but it is definitely important when it comes to the belief that we will make it.

What is it that you always say to me? 'Belief & Trust' But most and foremost 'Freedom, Trust & Responsibility' and I need you to trust me that I value my freedom but I need you trust the fact that I'll be responsible with my freedom and if I see that it truly upsets you, to the point where it's hurting you, I would rather not do it. Yes I need experience but that isn't as important as your well being. My conscience would also drive me mad because you're number 1 for me and that's that, there is nothing you can do or say to change that. Yes I want to enjoy these years but I will do that how I believe is best, of course there will be someone in my life in the next 2 years; maybe for 3 days, maybe for 3 weeks but it's never going to be a true relationship because I can't allow myself to succumb to that, not when I am so in love with someone else. If you're scared of me changing then that is possible for both of us, we can both turn into completely different people in the next 2 years but then I think the things we have in common are a lot deeper than just aspects of us that can change. It's another thing that reassures me about being able to make it, we are too similar to be able to change so much, especially if we keep talking and seeing each other every few months.

I don't know... Maybe I have gotten somewhere in this blog, maybe I haven't but I hope some of this made sense to you, maybe even reassured you to the point that you feel a little better. One thing though, just like you said to me that time 'I'm with you' this is what I want to pop into your mind when you feel uncertain, upset or worried that I may stop loving you... 'It's always you' & it will always be with you, never forget that.