You know your boyfriend loves you when, on Easter day, you tell him that your mother has beaten you up and has trashed your whole room and he writes back with 'sorry ;)'.

That is love.

Well done, you manage to break me.

I feel the same as I did a year and a half ago. Lost. Empty. Ill. Alone. Broken. This isn't rigt. I feel like w've already broken up, the fact that you're telling me to date another guy makes it look like you're giving up on me. On my faith. Yeah I get that this is hard on you & I've tried quietly this whole time to make you trust me again but it's not good enough & I feel like we've broken up already. I'm terrified. I just believe that once we break up so definitely then that's it and there are no second chances because that's when my trust will go because I'll think you don't have faith in the relationship, that I am nothing but property to you. The fact that you're so sure that I will always come back to you makes me think that you don't value that you have me, you just think that it's a certainty that I will always love you. It's ridiculous because how can you think that? Right now, I want to go back to my old self. The one night stand girl. Not complicated, just out to have fun. No strings attatched. No hurt or pain except the odd one night of crying over feeling so alone but any one night stand could fix that. Now I'm sat here feeling like it's the end of it all with tears streaming down my face and feeling sick to the pit of my stomach. Why did I ever do this? Why couldn't I just stay one night stand girl? All I've been doing is trying to prove that I am good enough, for the last 6 months, and I've just seemed to maek things worse. I try to seem okay and powerful but I'm so vulnerable and it all just hurts. I need you to love me and trust me because I'd do anything for you and I can't bear to lose you: however in my head, I already have, the fact that you don't trust me is as well as saying 'I don't want a future with you & I don't love you.' It has the same effect. I think I've come to the conclusion that I'm too young to be happy, I need to drama and insecure surroundings with little bits of pain all the time because this huge bit is just unbearable. This pain would never have happened if I hadn't opened myself up so much to one person, trusted him not to hurt me and make me feel completely useless. I'm stupid. Shouldn't have done this. All this is my fault really. I'm not the relationship girl, I'm the fun girl. Relationships scare me because they hurt too much. Caring about someone more than you care about yourself is just pure dangerous. Well done, you broke me. This love has broken me. I will now agree and sucombe to anything, just to make you happy. I don't see another way.