A new year, another boy. Someone special. The one. The best.

So I've clearly been enjoying uni; me and Ross said good bye gracefully when uni begun as we both realized it wasn't going to work. But I then procedeeded to meet the most amazing man in the world. Genuinely my first ever regret and my biggest mistake. I haven't felt heart broken in a long time, since I grew up, it is no longer part of me however something has just made me come back to this blog because I don't know what else to do. I fell in love. I really did and now I know that we had to go our separate ways due to timing: he has almost finished university and I have merely just begun but this time, we left on great terms and we're still talking and are friends, still more than friends because there will be time for it; a coffee, a chat and kiss and cuddle. I will not give up this time. I know it sounds so silly but I'm writing this here because I am vowing to it. If there is any smallest opportunity, I will get Mike back. He is the best thing that ever happened to me, made me a completely better person and I wanted to be something for him, to work hard and strive to be better but have to put myself down with all my previous acquaintances. He is a special boy, so so special, he has no idea and I would do anything to be with somebody as amazing as he is. It's funny, I was ok about finishing with Ross a few minutes after and then managed to find Mike. Now I have Damien in the picture who is my usual type of an asshole guy but is willing to give me everything but I just sit there and think about how much I love Mike. It's not happened since my first long relationship and I was still a kid then, I could have handled things better but now it's clear that two adults have made a rational decision which is for the best and have walked away on good terms etc but then that's what breaks my heart, if it weren't for the bad timing, we would be together and so so happy. I don't really know what else to say except what I have been saying this entire time, he is the best person, hands down, that I could ever be with. Never again will I have somebody like him every again and that will be my first ever unforgettable regret. We were so perfect for each other, challenged each other in the best ways. It was so perfect and now because of timing it's all about heartbreak once more. I wish I could cuddle up to Damien like before and be happy but all that goes through my head with everything he does is 'He isn't Mike.' 'Mike wouldn't have done that, he would have done it better.' 'I wish it was Mike's arms around me.' ' I wish I could kiss Mike again.' ...... I feel sick.