Definitely not defining simplicity.

For once I can't formulate this into words, something just won't let my brain change my thoughts into words. It's that feeling that something is wrong yet the uncertainty of knowing what. I know I made a mistake on New Years Eve and the fact that I've made so many mistakes since Spain but still, I don't think I ought to feel so guilty for them. There's just something about the way Petr says 'it's okay' that makes me not think it is; yes it may be paranoia but on top of there being something wrong with him now and me being so far away and feeling so helpless.

I worry about Petr because I know how insecure he can be. I know it's nothing to do with us nor any other girls apparently but I didn't think it had anyway. I don't really care what it is right now I just want him to be okay, he says he needs to sort it out on his own and that's why I want him to help himself; not enquire what the root of the problem is. This time, asking what the problem is and why it is bothering him is secondary after him being happy again. It is also unfortunate that it's a day after I left; maybe even the same day which does make my thought process link it back to my departure and whether it's something to do with that.

Could it possibly be that I embarrassed him so much that evening that his friends are giving him grief? I don't want him to have to go through that but then again I doubt that any of them would say much or do anything to make him so closed up not to even want to tell me.

The last true thing it could be is something to do with family, let's just hope it's not that because none of them deserve anything bad. It cannot be any problems between them though, it just can't...

Or something to do with his school, with Erasmus or the degree change he wants to go through next year; maybe if his dad is okay with it..

I am blabbing right now, I know, however I'm worried and I can't help him with anything and the fact that he hasn't told me freaks me out even more. I respect it and don't want him to tell me just because he reads this or something, no way am I forcing him but still I'm worried and I can't help it. This is just an outlet, a way of calming my worry without chanelling the negativity onto someone else, someone who doesn't deserve it.

This is all about one thing: I want Petr to be okay, happy.