Yesssssss!! ...RELIEF :)

I have to say that I am extremely relieved at how this afternoon turned out because all my worries over the past few days. I no longer have to worry about trying to like someone I clearly have no real attraction to. I saw Emmy this afternoon for the first time since Sunday and we sat down for a coffee and just chatted for a few hours. She saw Mark a few days ago and it turns out that luckily he only saw Saturday as a fling nothing more which is perfect. I know I freaked out over the possible consequences but now that I know it meant the same to us both therefore there is no need to worry whatsoever. I can get on with sorting myself out little by little.

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There is only one thing that surprised me a little, the fact that Mark said I was a little 'weird', yes I know it wasn't meant offensively but the strange thing is it must've been the alcohol, I mean I remember nothing. I was loud yes, weird? No. His dancing was a lot stranger than anything I did the entire night. Nevertheless there's now no issue about awkwardness between us at future parties as apparently he won't make things be that way and neither will I. After all, I have no reason to. If I make some witty comment prior to our meeting next time and clear any remaining tension then tadaa, perfect. Hello new friendships and even though it won't be a very pleasant anecdote, Mark and me will be a very good starting conversation piece for me with the other guys.

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Maybe it's a little dissappoitment that he didn't show any feedback though as I'm not used to being rejected, well I wouldn't use the term rejected but it's practically the same thing. If I was still in a spiteful state of mind I would get him to like me in some way, as I always get my way but now, I don't feel the need to do that. Karma spoke. This is clearly for the best.

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Yes, I miss the closeness.

Yes, I miss the sex.

Yes, I miss that particular someone.

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But the gap cannot be filled up by the right person until it has been partially cemented from the old wound and so far, this has not happened. I am far from okay with Luke therefore there is no point me rushing into anything because if would just end badly. I am happy I was made to realise this before things went any further and ruined everything for me.

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I'll stick with my friends for now. They'll help me get better slowly. Anyway, no time for any boy right now; January exams therefore I have more than enough work to hell and back.

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London tomorrow for several Psychology lectures.

9am start.

I shall live on Starbucks for the day :)

Shower & bed.

G'night,

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- Eve Anna x